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Deconstructing Frustration

So, what do you do when you're in the thick bushes of frustration you can't cut down? I've got all the tips from a woman recently frustrated.
  • Published on: 29 Dec 2020
  • 3 min read
Deconstructing Frustration

What's that saying? Take a deep breath? That may not always work. That hardly ever works once you're already frustrated, right? If only. 

So, what do you do when you're in the thick bushes of frustration you can't cut down? I've got all the tips from a woman recently frustrated. 

What To Do When You're Frustrated

parenting support blog

If you haven't read my article, What To Do When You're Frustrated As A Parent, you can read it after you're done here. In summary:

  • Frustration is normal. Trying to seem like the perfect parent with the perfect kid doesn't solve how you really feel. 

  • Your kid is probably frustrated, too. They feel what you feel but more intensely. 

  • Find out why you're really frustrated. How you already feel is probably compounded by what your child is doing. Their behavior is most likely not the root of your frustration. 

  • Ask for help. You're strong for knowing your needs and communicating them. So, ask!

Sometimes you're too deep into your feelings for the tips mentioned above to take effect. Maybe you need something far deeper to pick you up out of those feelings. Perhaps you just want to get better at handling these heated moments. Here are some tips on how to deconstruct frustration.

Your Feelings Are Valid

comprehension and understanding feelings

When you're frustrated, most people try to tell you to count your blessings and be grateful. This usually makes me more irritated because it feels as if my feelings don't matter. 

I'm here to say that even if you don't have the words or mental comprehension of why you feel the way you do, know that how you feel is absolutely valid. You don't need to prove it or explain it to anyone. It's hard to get to gratitude without dealing your frustrations first. 

Now that you know your feelings are valid, it's time for some analysis. 

Identify Your Feelings

identifying feelings and frustrations

On the surface, it may seem like your kiddo doing something potentially dangerous is why you're feeling frustrated. Still, why?

It makes me feel so out of control when I can't get my son to listen to my wisdom. I can see all the ways things can go wrong. Moms are blessed and cursed with premonition. I don't want him to get hurt. If he's hurt, I hurt. I will absolutely feel like I'm a terrible parent for "allowing" something bad to happen.

Ah-ha! The root is that I don't want him to feel pain and I don't want to be labeled as a bad parent. 

We get judged as parents often. But the truth is we're doing our best with what we know now. The now is always changing. We get wiser and so do our kids. 

Knowing how you feel inevitably leads to finding ways to heal. So, let's talk solutions.

Create A Reliable System of Solutions 

systematic solution for frustrations and feelings

 It's tempting to just sit around and vent with words, food, alcohol, entertainment, and the like. There are days for those go-to coping methods, but if you're looking to break the cycle of frustration, you must create long lasting solutions. 

Unfortunately and fortunately, our kids mimic what we do. If they see us yelling, throwing things, hitting, or otherwise to deal with frustration, that's what they'll use as their coping mechanisms as well. It can be hard, but knowing this information means you are now responsible for creating healthy solutions.

You will have days when you get frustrated again. That's just part of the parenting course. However, how you deal with it should continually improve. Your child will see that mom and dad aren't perfect, but they get better. 

There's no one sized solution fits all solution, but here are a few common things that can help:

  1. Exercise, going for a walk, or any kind of movement

  2. Meditation or deep breathing exercises 

  3. Talking or talk therapy

  4. Crying

  5. Playing music

  6. Doing something creative like art, writing, or cooking. 

You Are Growing, Too 

It's not just our children that grow. Just as kids and students make mistakes, so do we. Grade yourself, whether that's an A, B, or an F. Use that quiz knowledge to create wisdom for any test. This wisdom will help you any time you feel frustrated. You will graduate from parenting with honors. I believe in you!

 


Meet Our KeaMommy Contributor: Nadia Rumbolt

Nadia Rumbolt is a mom of many trades, including creative writing, blogging, van life, minimalism, veganism, the beach, nature, and the occult.

 

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