There are ample tips for how to be a better partner, aren’t there? I wouldn’t blame you if you were tired of the advice! So, what makes this article different?

We all parent as couples differently. There is no perfect way, but there are areas we can all brush up on to improve our chances of being more holistic-minded partners and therefore, parents.

This article is here to break open the space between to reveal some deeper ways we can expand as individuals, a couple, and as parents.

Stay Present

It’s quite easy to bring up the past, especially when it’s unresolved and certain behaviors are recurring. It’s important to give our partners the space to make the same mistakes and new ones, too. We cannot expect to get only good habits because we all have something to work on. Some of these things can take years to work through.

Yes, it’s frustrating to deal with a habit we do not want to be around, but don’t forget to be compassionate towards your partner. When the spotlight is on anyone to change a behavior, it can be difficult to change under such pressure. There is less room for error which generally leads to more errors!

On the other hand, we must remember to keep chipping away at behaviors we don’t want every day if we expect to grow.

All in all, solve problems as they arise. Don’t just hold on to the past and predict a future where the behavior stays around. We must be honest, yes, but we should also leave space for people to overcome their old self.

Who’s Right?

It’s tempting to partake in the who’s right game. It’s a big win for the ego for better or worse.

Take note of your intention when you say something to your partner. How do you want them to feel about what you’re saying? Ask yourself what happens if they hear it differently. What does it mean for you if they take it well or not?

Hierarchy can be quite detrimental to a relationship. It puts one person on the losing end and another on the winning end. As a couple, when one wins, both wins and vice versa, even when it appears separate.

Both partners contribute something to the relationship. While it can be difficult to remember what those things are in the heat of a back and forth, it can be what deescalates a situation. Gratitude is powerful in any context.

Make Your Own Rules

Arbitrary societal blueprints don’t work for everyone. Maybe you started your relationship with obvious gender/sex roles, but things do change. Instead of trying to fit the mold of what’s expected, focus more on building values based on your together experience rather than on these blueprints. It’s not a one size fits all relationship model.

Update Your Priorities

The priorities of a relationship shift all the time. It’s especially evident when you become a parent. It’s good to sit down a couple of times a year to openly and honestly discuss changes you’re experiencing as well as talking about expectations.

It’s okay to ask for new things and change your mind. We are always growing as individuals. Growing apart happens for many reasons, but if you are invested in growing together, it’s wise to check in as one would in their other relationships.

Conclusion

Better partners make better parents. Asses if an argument is a worthwhile win for you (or your ego!) and work forwards from there. Yielding, listening, humility and respect can change the course of any discourse.