Dear Society

You make it hard to have a child.

You show up with all these preconceived notions at every angle of the process. Before getting pregnant, people make comments about a woman's age (like "your eggs will dry up if you don't have babies soon!") or a man's choices (like "when are you gonna find a nice girl and settle down?"). Before a child arrives, you are questioned as a parent before you're officially one.

When you do get pregnant, people question the conception if it doesn't fit neatly into being together for 5.1 years, with a marriage under God, a house with 2 bedrooms, a nice car, and a steady job with a pension.

Then all through pregnancy, a woman is questioned about her weight and preparation. People constantly touch your belly (re: body) and tell you how your parenting is going to be instead of letting you create your own unique experience.

Then when you do get around to having the child, you are guilt tripped if you choose to go about it in an unconventional way such as having a child at home.

All through this, we must worry about the sex and gender expression of our child. We have to make sure they fit into the pink box for a girl or in the blue one for a boy. We must teach our child how to navigate life from a place of labeled boxes rather than from a full breadth of self-expression.

It doesn't end there. The parenting criticism begins about when we plan to lose the baby weight if we breastfeed enough or at all. It’s even harder if a woman decides she wants to work and not stay at home full time. There’s judgement about if we decide to raise our child fully vegan or homeschooled, too.

I'm simply confused, society. What do you want from us as parents?

Do you want us to raise children to be the best they can be in and of themself, or do you prefer we teach children how to grow in a limited space?

I'm also tired of all these social groups and all their pressures. It's hard to enjoy the parenting experience when at every turn we could be making a mistake in the eyes of our family, our faith community, our culture, or in some other social group.

It's as if we don't get to enjoy being parents and our child doesn't really get to enjoy being a child because they could do too much of one thing or the other.

I just want to say that I am beyond sick and more than tired of all the rules and how they contradict themselves. The way you want me to raise my child is impossible and I quit! I quit your way of how you want me to handle parenthood.

My child will be a holistic being and will be whatever he chooses without your permission because I am his mother. I will support his choices.

And you? You don't even know what you want, so you don’t get a say.