Sleep 2 Years Into Motherhood

I heard about the infamous sleep disruption that plagues many parents early in the process of starting my mother journey. It was also something parents mentioned often as one of the biggest cons of parenthood. We all know how being off in sleep by even an hour can shift the day in a downtrend. 

Whether from ignorance or hope, I thought this was one of the things I'd bypass, and for a while, I was fortunate. Unlike most, I was able to get sleep in the first 2 to 3 months. My little boy was a good sleeper who rarely woke up and went back to sleep without a fuss. So, while I was up about twice a night, it was no bother to my overall sleep. Maybe it was also a little bit of that spike of energy you get that comes with a beautiful little one.

I experienced sciatica and frequent urination in my third trimester. I had periods where it was completely bothersome, but mostly it was just a little inconvenient and I'd get back to sleep with little to no problems. Maybe these moments prepared me to adjust better as well. 

My kiddo is now over 2 years old and I haven't slept a full night... yet. For the first few months, this wasn't much of an inconvenience, but it started to become bothersome when those wake up times increased to 3 or 4 from growth spurts, teething, and general inability to sleep. 

For context, I cosleep and still breastfeed. Breast milk was my son's primary source of food for about a year and a half. He drinks about 50% less than before, but he also suckles for comfort during the day and to help him fall asleep. He also still drinks at night, even if he goes down with a full belly. 

There was a moment around 1.5 years old when he woke up an average of 2 times and fell asleep with ease. These days? Let's just say I don't count anymore. I'm sure the number would be quite high, about 5 times or more. So of course, why? 

It'd be easy to say it's related to co-sleeping and breastfeeding. To some extent, that's valid. It might even be easier to give up both for some extra shut-eye. 

But, his sleep is also disruptive because of hitting new milestones. His growth spurts and teething are interrupting. What do I believe are the biggest culprits? 

Separation anxiety and… a little bit of jealousy. My son doesn't want to share me with dad. That's the phase weren't in (but not every night, thankfully!). If he doesn't feel me right next to him at night, he'll get up and look for me to feed and cuddle him back to sleep. He's not just like this at night. He'll push his dad away when we're too physically close, or wiggle his way between us during the day, too.

For the most part, the interrupted sleep doesn't bother me, but I have my days when I'm just over it. I've cried at least twice this year about missing a full night's rest. I can't remember what an uninterrupted night is like…

So yes he wakes up more than most parents would allow/like, but at the same time, I can't say my sleep quality was anything amazing before having a kid. For the most part, I don't care about my life before my son. To bond with him in any way, to give comfort, security, and warmth is priceless (okay, maybe the cost is losing sleep here and there but it's worth it!). One day it'll be over and I won't look back in wonder or regret. "I'll sleep when I'm dead", but while alive, I'll be present for all of it.