I had many ideas about what motherhood would be like before, during, and after pregnancy. Some ideas were correct, some were surprising, and quite a bit of it is still a mystery yet to be lived.
I began to wonder how fathers view motherhood. Did they see their mothers differently after personally witnessing their spouse/partner go through becoming a mother? What did they observe while watching their partners becoming mothers?
I decided to come up with a few questions to ask my partner, Cheeno. He's the kind of person who quietly observes life and notices the many peculiarities of people. Here's what we discussed.
Motherhood Before & After
What comes to mind when you think of motherhood before becoming a father?
I think of the typical and obvious things like babies, diapers, nursing, and anything you can see with the eyes. Also, all women are different, and they raise their children based on what they've learned.
What has changed about how you see mothers/motherhood since becoming a father?
When I became a father, I started self-reflecting. I closed my physical eyes, so to speak, because there was more happening than I realized. I had to open my inner vision.
From what I've observed, motherhood is spiritual, and it's about allowing your intuition to be at the forefront. Mothers use discernment to act on their instinct on a different level. I noticed you have to learn how to be a mother by yourself. You have to create your own style.
When our baby had his first rash, we asked too many people what to do, and when he got his first cold and threw up, we panicked. Now looking back, there was a lot of instinct we ignored when we were afraid. Nobody can teach you intuition but yourself. You have to trust it for better or worse.
What's the most challenging thing you've witnessed me, as a mom, go through?
Delivering our baby. It was hard for you, but you knew it had to be done. It was difficult because there was so much surrendering emotionally, physically, and mentally to letting go and letting birth happen for you to become a mother.
The other challenge was watching you learn how to balance being a mother, partner, and a woman. Watching that showed me I needed to change, to have a better relationship with my mind. Because of my conditioning, the definitions I had in my head had to align with the external changes that were happening. My mind and the new environment had to match. I realized I had to nourish you. What you do for our son I had to do for you. The deeper we go into parenting, the more we have to be on the same page. We're getting better every day.
What have you observed from the mother/son relationship that you love/enjoy?
I healed a lot of my relationship with my mother. Before, it was shallow and not very thoughtful. Witnessing the process of you and our son made me see what my mother had to go through to put me together. She did her best to put me in a state of mind to be responsible for my actions.
I realized I hit the jackpot because when a mother and child come together, you see the value of life that can't be replaced by any material possession. Can you put 27 exclamation points after that point?
When the child cries, you can't give them a Ferrari. You can only give them calm, nurturing energy, something that has to be cultivated within through the discernment I mentioned. It's more than just being unconditional. It's a lot of surrendering to intuition and giving.
From One Father to All Mothers
What would you like to tell mothers out there from a father's perspective?
Stay together within yourself. It's not just about breastfeeding and nurturing. It's much more significant. Once you become a mother, no one can tell you how or who to be. Remember that. You are the HMIC (head mother in charge).
If you're about to give birth, enjoy the profound process, and remind yourself why it's enjoyable. Write notes like my wife did to stay present. There are no guidelines, so you have to surrender to the process to find your way. It's a healing journey for every mother. My partner has transformed beyond anything I could have foreseen.
Calling All Fathers
Now you know how one father sees motherhood. I'm amazed by his observations! I encourage you all to ask your partners/spouses similar questions. For me, I felt very seen and understood hearing these answers, and I'm sure you'll feel the same or better if you do the same.
Meet Our KeaMommy Contributor: Nadia Rumbolt
Nadia Rumbolt is a mom of many trades, including creative writing, blogging, van life, minimalism, veganism, the beach, nature, and the occult.