Time for A Second Baby?

A second baby? Is it that time?

It took about 6 months postpartum before the first comments and inquiries about a second baby came up. My pelvic region still felt out of sorts and when it was brought up, I swear I could feel it cower. My body wasn’t ready to entertain the thought and neither was my mind. I could remember my son’s birth too vividly. While it was all the beautiful things, my body was not interested.

I was going through so much, too much to even consider the thought for a millisecond.

We moved from a home into our new van lifestyle a few months before. We all wanted to live this way for some time, and I could not imagine going through pregnancy in a van. I also did not want to feel forced to move back into a home to handle pregnancy either.

My body still felt large and alien. How could I possibly host another being when I was getting to know my first child and my new self?

I was also still exclusively breastfeeding. If my first trimester was anything like the one I experienced before, I couldn’t foresee myself enjoying breastfeeding while feeling like rubbish.

My partner worked more than 8 hours daily and was quite beat when he got home. I’d have to handle most of these changes all by myself.

I’m overwhelmed just recounting where I was!

There were so many lifestyle parts in motion trying to find their ground. A second baby felt like one of the most offensive questions or suggestions someone could ask or make at the time. It was as if everyone forgot what it took to make, carry, deliver, and take care of a baby subsequently. It still felt like yesterday to me.

It was even more unfathomable when mothers brought it up. Did their body spring back and lost the memory of the pregnancy and new mom life? Was something wrong with me for not wanting to jump right in and have babies close in age?

My brother and I are a year apart. My other siblings (the older and younger ones) and I are much farther in age. I understand firsthand how the bond is stronger the closer in age siblings are. But, I was not willing or ready to have a child just because of this. I would have to find another way to encourage my children to bond rather than put myself through it all again too soon.

Now at a year and a half in, I’m open to entertaining the idea. People bring it up more frequently, but I’m far less shaken and offended. I don’t personally feel totally ready, but the idea comes and goes.

We just started our homestead and it would be wise to have a home set up and finances stable before we have the official conversation. Our son is also in a stage where he sometimes pushes dad away from me and gets upset if I pick up other children. There are several moving factors happening people don’t see outside of a sibling age gap (amongst other reasons).